I have been feeling the irresistible pull of submissiveness lately, and, while I wish at times it wasn't there, I sometimes feel so much better when it is.

This movie, Secretary, shows it just right. Lee is so incredibly not whole at the beginning, but when she embraces her role as a sub, you can just see the change in her. It encompasses her whole being. There are times when I feel very much like the Lee at the beginning of the film, incomplete, broken, even. Knowing I am in need of something I don't have and can't get for myself. When Lee lifts her dress, peels down her stockings and panties and looks... I saw it in her eyes, I've seen that expression on my own face. I've been that pleased with what I saw, I've known it and loved it.

There is only one way to be complete when I am like this. Unfortunately it is incompatible with the life I chose for myself.