Here we are at another Shabbat. My last Friday at home. Sigh. I am really worried about how we are going to do without me around, or at least close by. I've never worked really far away from home before (since having my own family, that is). Now I will be at least a half hour away, but more like 45 minutes with traffic. I have really mixed feelings about this. But sometimes when I am most worried, that is when things turn out really well, so let's hope this is one of those times. I hope, I hope, I hope. I am too tired to write more. Too much raking today, not enough resting! But Shabbat is here, and I will enjoy it and rest.

Hannah is sound asleep already -- she played and played today, so she was really pooped. I feel the same way -- I raked for an hour and a half this morning (and I still have more to do!), met the bug man, worked on Mack's book, sanded the ceiling (but did not finish - don't worry, I've already been scolded), went to the doctor (who did not tell me anything I don't already know), picked up presents for the birthday party this weekend, picked up Lil at school, dropped her at karate, went to the kosher butcher for chickens and some passover goodies, picked up Lil and Hannah at the center, and got home just in time for chicken nuggets and fries for dinner (with broccoli on the side to balance it all out -- thanks, Dad!). Whew. Then I argued with Carl about summer plans. Sigh. Sometimes even paradise can be difficult. I just don't listen and I hate that about myself. I've tried to be better about it, but sometimes I just barrel ahead with things and forget that perhaps Carl might have a different opinion. We think alike on so many issues that sometimes I take it for granted that he agrees with me. I know I shouldn't and I feel ashamed that I do it to Carl, a person I love and respect more than almost anyone else in the world. I know I can be difficult to live with, but I am really trying to be better. I am working on becoming a better person.

In the meantime, I am looking forward to my parent's visit, we are to have a nice sized seder this year if everyone comes that we invited. Too bad I will be working, but then, I will just have to cook on the weekend. I like to cook, so that is ok. I think cooking is great, and I have a real nack for it. I enjoy when people enjoy my food, especially my family.

Today I feel different about things. Today I feel excited about the possibilities, and I am looking forward to things in the future. It probably helps that Carl and I had some fun today on a date! We went out to breakfast at our favorite place and had omlettes with home fries and a biscuit - yummy. Then we ran around doing a few errands, including measuring furniture so we can move things around in the house to accomodate the new stuff we are inheriting. Generally, we just enjoyed each other and were very relaxed because I am going back to work and we can go on an occasional date and not feel guilty about it. So, that is why I feel different about things today. Also, I talked to the lawyer and hot-damned if he didn't agree to reduce the charges made before I became a client. I guess I do feel pretty good about that. I kept calm and did not get angry, I spoke rationally and simply hammered away at my point. Good for me! I am enjoying my last few free days, and believe me, it was worth waiting one extra week to get to work.

Every day brings me one day closer to work, and I cannot help feeling bad about it. Over the next several weeks there are a number of fun events I would like to attend with the girls, but I will not be able to. Lil has her book fair, the model seder at her school, and Hannah will also have something similar. Today Lil asked if Carl could come to the book fair instead of me, since I will not be able to. Then she added that she would understand if we could not come. It broke my heart, it really did. I don't like disappointing the girls when I could do such simple things to make their hearts fill up with joy. But I am also getting excited about the job -- it is an interesting job and important to the lab. I suppose, but I still don't feel that thrilled. Sigh. What to do, what to do.

Things are going crazy with IIW, and I am looking forward to a conclusion soon. I have to call my dumb-ass lawyer tomorrow and tell him I do have questions about his bill. How can he charge me for time spent before I was a client? Tell me that, someone, please? These guys are a bunch of losers, and I am going to call them on it. I want every penny I put with them back, and I mean to go to court to get it if I don't. Scumbags.